Bike things I laugh at

Bike things I laugh at.

Paging through an issue of Hot Bike today at the Chicago, O’Hare airport and it struck me how many motorcycle related things I laugh at.  Then I got hit with a nice dose of Zen and realized those same dudes probably get a few laughs out of me.  To each their own right?  Live and let live.  So here are a few things that I find pretty funny and for balance my next post will be some things that other riders likely find funny about me.  Things I laugh at about other riders:

Fairings.  I know I just pissed off most of the people reading this.  Just being honest.  What’s the point when you can’t see the mechanics of the bike because of all the fiberglass and plastic you have bolted on?  Right to protect you from the wind.  I thought that’s what cars were for.  Eh, it’s just me being a purist.  Comments welcomed.  A guy I was riding with this weekend says, “jeez my bike is heavy” I’m like, “no shit you have over 300 pounds of fairings and luggage on that thing.  You going to Sturgis…today?

Embroidered jeans.  On MEN!  No shit, I thought this was only from the 80s ladies Jordache fashion.  Nope, its back.  And dudes are getting into it.  Old dudes.  Is it shock value or maybe they pissed their jeans so they had to use their ol’ lady’s.  Give me my Levis.

Tippie toes.  Tell tale sign is at the red light the motorcycle rider has only one foot on the street (usually the left) and one on the peg (take a guess).  If they put that other foot down…tippie toes!  Dude, get a bike that fits.  Get thicker soled boots.  Get a lower seat.  Why do I laugh…because that seat is crammed up his ass!  Think about it…if your legs are hanging off the bike like that you’re getting a seat wedgie at every stop.  Put that toe down on some oil and you are having a lowside at zero miles per hour.  DOH!  Unless you look like this, get flat footed.

Taking it in for an oil change.  I don’t know man, if you’re going to own a simple machine you got to be able to do the simple stuff.  Oil change, spark plug and wire changes.  Fluids.  Buy the book and give it a shot.  Clear the garage, open the doors and turn on some good music.  You will feel that much more accomplished when you take it out for the next spin.

That hat that looks like you are the skipper.  You know the one that looks like you are wearing an apple pie on your head with a bill that's too small to give any shade from the sun.  Maybe it's a tribute to the confederate soldier uniform but it looks very feminine to me.  

SOA.  People talking about how many sons of anarchy seasons they’ve seen from beginning to end.  Give me a freaking break.  If you like shows about sportsters with bullet fairings and a chick that runs the club go ahead and watch it while you sit there for hours that could be spent on your actual motorcycle.  Then again I watch some bullshit on TV too so whatever.  Just don’t come at me asking what I thought about Gema doing this or some other dude doing that.  I don’t watch that show trying to get ideas of how to look like a motorcyclist.  If you really want to be one go out and ride yours and forget about what you think you’re supposed to look like.

Paid $20 for $90 HD gloves

This is a blog on saving money.  They more we save the more we have for the other stuff in life.  

A couple of weeks ago I found out about an app called "letgo".  That week I made a sale and bagged $400 for a paintball gun we had lying around.  Not too shabby.  If you've ever sold on craigslist, which I have many times let me tell you, this app is much faster to post.  It's take a picture, write a description and click a button.  Done.

So yesterday I was on the app and typed Harley Davidson into the search bar.  Holy smoke, a guy was selling the HD Windshielder Gauntlet gloves for "price negotiable".  These are $90 gloves.  So here's the trick to this app.   You can look at what they have sold before and how much they got for everything.  So I see that the guy sold a couch for $30 and vacuum cleaner for $20.  He also sold an extension chord for a few bucks.  I offered $20 thinking he would come back with $50 but guess what...he says $20 works.  

I picked up a new pair of gloves for $20 just using this app.  Try it out, I also found jackets and other good stuff there.  Just a little money saving tip going into the weekend.  

Harley Owners Group - what I found out suprised me

You know, the first year I had my bike the dealership signs you up for a HOG membership.  I didn't attend any meetings and thought I never would.  Figured they were a bunch of people who wanted to join a "real" club but couldn't get in so they all bought a HOG patch and joined a fake one.  Look man, I'm not passing any judgment - I'm just telling you what I thought.

Then my father in law got into riding and joined the HOGs.  "Oh brother, now this dude joined the HOGs- there's the proof that it ain't for me."  But you know what, when I ride with him it makes my ol' lady happy (I've called her that long before I started riding anyway).  If it makes her happy, I know she's gonna make me happy so me and her pops would go for rides now and then.  One day we met two of his HOG buddies for a ride into the Texas Hill Country.  Cool old guys.

They invited me to check out a meeting- free coffee and donuts what the hell could I lose.  So I went.  They were doing an orientation for new members and my father in law pushed me into the room and told me not to be a pussy.  What?!  Dude, YOU'RE the one in a fake ass club.  I thought about my wife and said screw it I'll sit through this.  Next thing I know they're calling me up in the meeting to intro myself and what I ride.  Oh whatever, meeting's almost over anyway.

But then we went on a ride.  What a trip- and I mean like tripped out.  These people knew of roads in the Texas Hill Country that I would have never found.  We went to lunch and they were actually pretty cool.  Now, I'm one of the youngest in the group- there are over 250 people and I bet at least 70% of them are retired.  Everyone with a bagger (except me on an old fatboy).  But they were happy to share stories of where they've been and where they want to go.

Here's what it comes down to.  These people are far from bullshitters.  They ride.  And they ride a lot. Hanging out with them you get to hear some great stories from the vets and being around more people who ride- well, you get to learn more about motorcycling, events and places to ride than if you tried to go it alone.  At least it shortens your learning curve.

I don't have a vest with all kinds of patches and I don't go to every ride but you know what?  It does have a lot to offer.  I even started wearing my name tag to the meetings.  Oh yeah and we're doing a camp out this spring on the Frio River in TX.  It's a cool group and although my preference is still riding solo at my own timeline, I find myself knowing more about great places to ride by being around these old coots.  Coots on scoots.  Maybe I'll make that my first patch.......Nah!

Assume the Asshole

Been too long since I wrote one up so let me tell you about how I cracked 3 ribs on my last bike and what that meant to me getting my new bike.  I was on the way back from an HD dealership over a Saturday morning.  Listened to a band, got a hot dog and browsed the exhaust catalog.  That kind of thing - I even won a hat from some drawing they did.  Just stuffed it down my boot and got on the bike for a 10 minute drive home.  And then it happened.

First of all I realized that I had left the place without strapping on my helmet.  I had it on, just didn't do up the strap.  The thought crossed my mind to stop and take care of it but what the heck, I was almost home anyway and it is basically a straight shot on a road I've been on 1000 times.  That was mistake 1.

Imagine 2 lanes going each way and on both sides of this 4 lane road, Culebra Rd to be exact, there sits a McDonalds.  So I'm cruising in my left hand lane, furthest one from where the McDonlalds and other shops have access to this road and this lady in a Nissan Rogue pulls out, crosses a lane of traffic and nails me right behind the front wheel.  I was going eastbound and she was trying to cross my side of the road to get to the other side to go west.  See what I mean?  She was looking to her right for traffic over there but I was coming from her left.  She never saw me.

I go flying top side and the bike lands behind me.  I remember sliding and just trying to stay out from under the bike.  I stop on my hands and knees, helmet has flown off and my bike is under this lady's front bumper.  I could have so easily slid into oncoming traffic.  Amazing.

A nurse on her way to the lake stops by, checks me out and sticks around till help comes.  I remember looking up at the blue sky and seeing a  few scattered clouds and wondering if there was any blood. Wife shows up.  She was a basket case.  Imagine the scene:  I'm in the middle of the road on my back, cops, firetruck, ambulance all over the place.  But check it out: long story short, I was able to walk away with a couple of cracked ribs and insurance companies to deal with.

1998 Sportster Sport - 1250CC (was bored out by first owner).  Man, what a beauty it was. Piggy back shocks, two into one megaphone and that black peanut tank with the HD orange outline of bar and shield.  Heck, it was the Central Texas Harley Davidson's shop bike for the first few months of it's life.  Miss that little rocket.

This lead the way to my 2007 Fatboy.  Louder, beefy, more comfortable for the little lady.  I digress.

The road lesson is this: people are going to look everywhere BUT where you are.  Assume the asshole my friends, assume the asshole.

Riding in the U.K.

Bout time I remembered my dang password!  So here's the story - ended up doing a shit load of travel over the past 12 months but man I got some good stories.  Now that I am back to writing I wasn't sure if I wanted to do a travel blog or what so I am going to mix in some stories about motorcycling etc. in different countries, stuff I have picked up along the way and generally what's going on in other places.  Don't get me wrong, San Anto is my heart and soul.  But there is a lot going on out in the great big world. 


I'll give you an example and this one is about cultures in the United Kingdom.  Yeah, that's basically England and Scotland (for now).  Everyone has to wear a helmet but there is only one exception.  First of all when I say everyone I mean even the mopeds.  And there a ton of them.  Probably more mopeds and scooters than motorcycles.  But it's crazy because you see these guys on the mopeds all decked out in helmets, riding boots, jackets.  It's kinda funny. 


Anyway like I said there is only one exception to the helmet law.  The only people who are not required to wear helmets are the sihks.  Those are the guys with the turbins.  No shit!  If you are part of that religion you are the only ones who don't have to wear a helmet.  I don't know man, sounds crazy to me. 


Can you imagine if was the case back in the US.  I don't know, maybe it is in some states, I wonder about that.  I know in TX we are choice friendly which means if you don't want to wear one you don't.  But if you get pulled over for speeding and are not wearing a helmet they can give you a ticket for both.  Didn't know that?  Should have gone to motorcycle riding school clown!


Interesting article here about the very topic from Canada. They said tough shit to these guys:
http://www.mississauga.com/news-story/4766711-no-helmet-exemption-for-sikhs-in-ontario/


Man, it's good to be back posting.  Hope someone reads this.  If not, well I'm gonna just keep writing anyway. 

For a 1200...It's Got A Lot Of Goodies

So I'm sitting at this coffee place getting ready to post this pic and I look up and make direct eye contact with this blonde breast feeding her kid.  Man, that is one super awkward moment.  I smiled.  What an idiot. 

Anyway, check out the piggy back shocks, supertrapp 2 into 1 exhaust and the custom paint.  Screamin Eagle starter and carb, K&N air filter.  Believe it or not she's a 1998.  Yup, you can tell by the double gages between the bars its an oldie but a goodie.  This one is the Sportster Sport.  You can tell the "Sport" edition by the disc rear wheel and the front mag.  Bored out too so more like a 1250.  Fast and clean just like her old man.  Well...fast at least.  Rev it up homes!

I Popped My Guitar's Cherry - Laugh or Cry?

And it sucks!  I got this sweeeeet travel guitar cuz I spend a lot of time on the road.  Cool thing is that from the top of the strings all the way down to the nut (guitar players know that ain't no joke) it's the exact same size as a full size guitar.  It plays exactly the same.  Built in amp, earphone jack and just look at that thing.  It really is a work of art and among my 4 guitars it's the most expensive.  You got to treat yourself to some of the finer things in life every now and then.  

So I'm taking it on my first out of town travel today.  Giving people the stink eye that think they're going to put their computer bag on it in the overhead.  "Excuse me buddy but you're gonna have to  put your computer bag under that or find another spot."  He says, "there's not much room anywhere else."  I gave him the old DILLIGAF look.  Didn't want to blurt it out being on an airplane and all but if that's what it was going to come to I'm all in.

So I get to the hotel, plug in and jam out.  Hit dinner.  Back at the hotel start f'ing with the built in tuner.  I figure it could use a little tweaking.  Get down to the G string.  The next sounds you hear are:  POP-  F*cking SH*T!!!!

Well, it's happened now to all my guitars and sometimes within hours of buying a new set of strings.  I think I'll take it as a sign of luck and a rite of passage for the newest member of the family. 

When stuff like that happens we always have a choice:  you can laugh or you can cry.  I'll just keep laughing through it thank you very much.  Rock on, ride on and just keep thinking about the good stuff.