Bike things I laugh at

Bike things I laugh at.

Paging through an issue of Hot Bike today at the Chicago, O’Hare airport and it struck me how many motorcycle related things I laugh at.  Then I got hit with a nice dose of Zen and realized those same dudes probably get a few laughs out of me.  To each their own right?  Live and let live.  So here are a few things that I find pretty funny and for balance my next post will be some things that other riders likely find funny about me.  Things I laugh at about other riders:

Fairings.  I know I just pissed off most of the people reading this.  Just being honest.  What’s the point when you can’t see the mechanics of the bike because of all the fiberglass and plastic you have bolted on?  Right to protect you from the wind.  I thought that’s what cars were for.  Eh, it’s just me being a purist.  Comments welcomed.  A guy I was riding with this weekend says, “jeez my bike is heavy” I’m like, “no shit you have over 300 pounds of fairings and luggage on that thing.  You going to Sturgis…today?

Embroidered jeans.  On MEN!  No shit, I thought this was only from the 80s ladies Jordache fashion.  Nope, its back.  And dudes are getting into it.  Old dudes.  Is it shock value or maybe they pissed their jeans so they had to use their ol’ lady’s.  Give me my Levis.

Tippie toes.  Tell tale sign is at the red light the motorcycle rider has only one foot on the street (usually the left) and one on the peg (take a guess).  If they put that other foot down…tippie toes!  Dude, get a bike that fits.  Get thicker soled boots.  Get a lower seat.  Why do I laugh…because that seat is crammed up his ass!  Think about it…if your legs are hanging off the bike like that you’re getting a seat wedgie at every stop.  Put that toe down on some oil and you are having a lowside at zero miles per hour.  DOH!  Unless you look like this, get flat footed.

Taking it in for an oil change.  I don’t know man, if you’re going to own a simple machine you got to be able to do the simple stuff.  Oil change, spark plug and wire changes.  Fluids.  Buy the book and give it a shot.  Clear the garage, open the doors and turn on some good music.  You will feel that much more accomplished when you take it out for the next spin.

That hat that looks like you are the skipper.  You know the one that looks like you are wearing an apple pie on your head with a bill that's too small to give any shade from the sun.  Maybe it's a tribute to the confederate soldier uniform but it looks very feminine to me.  

SOA.  People talking about how many sons of anarchy seasons they’ve seen from beginning to end.  Give me a freaking break.  If you like shows about sportsters with bullet fairings and a chick that runs the club go ahead and watch it while you sit there for hours that could be spent on your actual motorcycle.  Then again I watch some bullshit on TV too so whatever.  Just don’t come at me asking what I thought about Gema doing this or some other dude doing that.  I don’t watch that show trying to get ideas of how to look like a motorcyclist.  If you really want to be one go out and ride yours and forget about what you think you’re supposed to look like.