Bike Farts: Laugh Now...Cry Later

You know you've done it!  Went to Taco Garage or the 410 Diner and 30 minutes into your next ride you got bubble guts.  Here's why it happens and what to doo about it (hehe).

First of all when you ride it's physically taxing more than driving a car as we all know so you are spending energy to keep your arms, hands, feet, head, torso and legs all working in conjunction with the bike.  You go on a long ride and a very enjoyable part of it is pulling off at a cool spot like out in Bandera and getting in on some of the local BBQ joints or MX food spots with your buddies.  You need a rest and to refill your energy bucket so your go for the beef enchiladas.  Or maybe it's the grease burger.  Hell you might even end up with the chili.  Good riding stuffs.  But don't forget that you often laugh now just to cry later.

So you take off on down the road after an nice filler up.  The engine is a-rumbling.  The pipes are a-blastin.  The ol'lady is behind you hanging on and she don't even care that you're a little wider in the waste than when you started the ride cuz that lunch was goo-uuud!  But then, subtly the guts start bubblin. 

Now you have a number of options here and I'll discuss them all.

The hold it in method:
Try to push your weight down on your bike with your butt cheeks tucked together.  Your weight will keep your ass shut.  It's real so don't act like this is something new.  The drawback is that it can get a little uncomfortable.

The squeeze it out method:
Try to tilt your pelvis forward so your mud chute gets just enough room out in front of the sack to let it squeeze out slowly.  Pretty good method but you risk the time factor.  You may think you got it all out just to hit a speed bump and start the process all over again.

The blow it out your ass method:
Raise up off the pegs and let er rip!  If you have an ol lady on the back this is not recommended.  However if you've been together long enough it will come as no surprise.  You can do this standing at a red light which is what I suggest instead of standing on the pegs.  It's safer but she will of course get the lingering effect.  If she has a full face helmet on this may be the best way.

Now, if you try to just go ahead and let loose as you would on your couch at home I don't recommend it.  The reason is that the dynamics of your jeans at that angle sitting on a leather seat will force you to push harder than you would if you were relaxing at home.  This can lead to dangerous consequences.  In my circle we call it "becoming a real man".  Don't become a real man on your bike, shit filled boots is not a good look.