For a 1200...It's Got A Lot Of Goodies

So I'm sitting at this coffee place getting ready to post this pic and I look up and make direct eye contact with this blonde breast feeding her kid.  Man, that is one super awkward moment.  I smiled.  What an idiot. 

Anyway, check out the piggy back shocks, supertrapp 2 into 1 exhaust and the custom paint.  Screamin Eagle starter and carb, K&N air filter.  Believe it or not she's a 1998.  Yup, you can tell by the double gages between the bars its an oldie but a goodie.  This one is the Sportster Sport.  You can tell the "Sport" edition by the disc rear wheel and the front mag.  Bored out too so more like a 1250.  Fast and clean just like her old man.  Well...fast at least.  Rev it up homes!

I Popped My Guitar's Cherry - Laugh or Cry?

And it sucks!  I got this sweeeeet travel guitar cuz I spend a lot of time on the road.  Cool thing is that from the top of the strings all the way down to the nut (guitar players know that ain't no joke) it's the exact same size as a full size guitar.  It plays exactly the same.  Built in amp, earphone jack and just look at that thing.  It really is a work of art and among my 4 guitars it's the most expensive.  You got to treat yourself to some of the finer things in life every now and then.  

So I'm taking it on my first out of town travel today.  Giving people the stink eye that think they're going to put their computer bag on it in the overhead.  "Excuse me buddy but you're gonna have to  put your computer bag under that or find another spot."  He says, "there's not much room anywhere else."  I gave him the old DILLIGAF look.  Didn't want to blurt it out being on an airplane and all but if that's what it was going to come to I'm all in.

So I get to the hotel, plug in and jam out.  Hit dinner.  Back at the hotel start f'ing with the built in tuner.  I figure it could use a little tweaking.  Get down to the G string.  The next sounds you hear are:  POP-  F*cking SH*T!!!!

Well, it's happened now to all my guitars and sometimes within hours of buying a new set of strings.  I think I'll take it as a sign of luck and a rite of passage for the newest member of the family. 

When stuff like that happens we always have a choice:  you can laugh or you can cry.  I'll just keep laughing through it thank you very much.  Rock on, ride on and just keep thinking about the good stuff. 

"Chould I pay heem back por de Aquanet?"

Bucket of KFC, backwards helmet and helmet hair.  We'll take them one by one:

Holy chicken wing.  I guess if you live in a liberal helmet law state like I do (thank God) you can pretty much get away with putting whatever you want on your head.  This dude said screw it, first I'm gonna eat it.  Then I'm gonna wear it.  More power to you man.  The good thing is he probably gave his helmet to his buddy although it looks like that's more of a batter's helmet.  Bicycle helmet on the handle bars?  This guy cuts his own path through life.  I respect that.



 

Now here's a gal that has all the right intentions but seems to have her priorities mixed up.  Deep thoughts:  If you wear a helmet backwards and fart in the wind do you crop dust yourself? 

 

 

We'll end on the topic of choice.  Yes, here in Texas we call it choice friendly.  When I took my MSF class they said that we do have a helmet law but it is not enforced unless you get a ticket.  Then they will give you the ticket and site you for no helmet as well.  Fair enough I guess.  Ah, but I think I have found a loophole for those looking for one.  Behold...the best of both worlds.  Famous last words:  "Chould I pay heem back por de Aquanet?"

Live your life to the fullest and cut your own path.  Bucket, backwards or hairy.  It's all good.

Best Riding Songs Playlist

For me music is a big part of riding.  Of course there are the standards like Born To Be Wild and anything Lynyrd Skynyrd.  AC/DC and Iron Maiden.  But here are  few that rarely make the standard lists.

These songs either mention bikes, just have a really good riding feel about them or somehow remind me of all the best things in life.

By the way, if you have access to the playstore, get the app called Music Paradise.  You can download all of these free. And no, thats not a plug just a really cool app.

Share your tops and I'll add them to the list.  Some of my favorite tracks:

Harley Davidson - Diesel Dahl Friends
Rock Candy - Sammy Haggar
The Rocker - Thin Lizzy
Cisco Kid - War
Harley Girl - The Charles
Harley Davidson Blues - Canned Heat
The Bomber - James Gang
Cold Shot - Stevie Ray Vaughn (include all SRV)
Can I Play With Madness - Iron Maiden
Drop Dead Legs - Van Halen
Mississippi Queen - Mountain
Calling Dr. Love - KISS

Rock on everybody.

How To Be A Real Biker

If you want to be corny as hell, I will do a blog about that later.  But first, here are what I have found to be universal truths to being a real biker:

#1 - Ride your damn bike.  I called a buddy to ride.  He said, "Naw man.  I haven't ridden that thing in months.  Not sure how long it would take to get it moving.  Still paying it off though."  Last time I called his ass.

#2 - Be in it for the ride, not the look.  Way too many corny motherfuckers out there trying to look what they consider to be the part yet they can't even change their own oil.  Always in the Dealership to buy clothes, never parts. 

#3 - Be an individual and respect individuality.  I took my bike to a family gathering.  I ride a stripped down bike.  Hell, its so stripped I even removed the chain guard.  (the only added weight are my piggy back shocks). My aunt was there with her new man and she says, "It's so skinny!  Look at that tiny tank.  You need some saddle bags and a windscreen at least.  The one Billy rides has all the bells and whistles."  Well then fuck Billy!  I got 1250 CCs on a bored out 400 pound bike.  Of course some would say, "I can ride across the country in one shot on my couch bike."  Good brother I can respect that.  See you at the next light.

My Big Black Friends

My big black friends are dirty as hell and that's how I like em.  They have saved my life more than once and have helped me out of some tricky situations.  I've relied on them to right a couple wrongs as well - they always get the job done.

Sometimes my big black friends smell REAL bad.  Like shit even.  But I still take them everywhere with me.  They are protection in a lot of ways.  My ol lady even wanted me to replace them once but there is no way in hell.  Man, it took a long time to get my big black friends to be just the way I wanted them.

Loyal?  Hell, they've been known to carry my knife or whatever else I don't want clunking around in my pockets.  They are down to ride with me every time I call.  Wherever and whenever.  Others have come and gone but these old friends have stood the test of time. 

I've had some funny looks walking into family gatherings with my big black friends.  If they only knew our history everyone would understand but some things are better left unsaid.  Quite frankly others don't want to know the full history of all the shit we've been through together.  Oh the things they have seen.  I bet you have some too.  And even though they are not very fancy,  they are always there when I need em.  Raise a toast to our big black friends.  Long live their loyalty, protection and spirit of adventure.

Craigslist MC - WTF!?

Every now and then I pop onto Craigslist to check out what garage finds I can get.  I even emailed a guy once who was selling a bike like mine and bought just the sissy bar for cheap.  Haven't had much luck trading out the seat this way though.  I wonder why.

But damn man I was on the other day and typed in "motorcycle" and came across someone recruiting for his MC!  Are you fucking kidding me man.  What kind of club is that and what are the members like who join this?  You are going to end up with a club full of dumbfucks with no loyalty and no commraderie.  Bunch of trolls.  So I came up with a couple of names for this club.  Tell me what you think:

Troll Patrol
Chicks with Dicks
The No Mames Crew
Tech Wreck
Turds and Nerds
and my favorite:
Pussy Boys MC

Do you have any good ones?  If I see their post again I'll send you a link.

Gravel - Helmets Don't Always Save Lives

One of the many fatalities the motorcycle community has suffered this year happened last week as a motorcyclist hit a patch of gravel.  He was wearing his helmet but it was the guy behind him that hit him that caused the fatality.  The reasons I write this column are two-fold.  To warn anyone traveling this route and to remind us all that dangers often come in multiples.

First, here is where the accident happened according to MySA.com:

"...exiting from the S.W. Loop 410 southbound lane to the Interstate 35 South ramp when he likely hit the gravel." 

Disclaimer: I was not there and I do not know the motorcyclist and in no way is this a comment about anyone's riding or this particular accident.  But as a reminder, make sure to look at edges and corners as that's where gravel and sand often accumulate. As always it is not only important to look far ahead but also to scan the road surface.   

But that's likely not what killed him.  There was a man exiting right behind him who hit him.  He was wearing a helmet.  There are just some things that tend to stack up in cases like this.  Was the guy behind him at a safe following distance?  Was the rider slowing down way too much through the turn that shortened that distance or was he being followed too closely?  What was the rate of speed?

These may never be answered but know that separating elements can be the difference between making it through a spill and not.  RIP fellow rider.

United Patriot Day

It is with the highest respect that I write this article. 

Today 2 million riders are expected to roll in to Washington DC as a memorial to the patriots who lost their lives on September 11th.  Our fallen countrymen who died on that day, the rescuers, the lost, the broken hearted. 

The resolve of our country was evident in how we have responded to the cowards who attacked us but most of all we have shown that together we can overcome anything.  Let us strive to stay the truly "United" States of America.  Despite our differences in thought, actions and belief, let us all remember that we are in this together as one country.  United.  RIP brave patriots.

"P" is for Pendeja (part 2)

In part 1 I told you about some of the dumb stuff people have asked me.  Here are some of the dumb things people do:

Cagers:

1) Following distance.  Good thing I keep a good one.  At least once per day it comes in handy.  Here's one occasion that had not often occurred to me...old age.  I'm behind this beauty of an old Lincoln and am looking ahead of him.  We start getting to a stop light and he stops a FULL 50 FT before the light.  And stays there until it turns green!  Once it did I was ready to let the driver know what I thought of him.  When I pulled up, there's grandpa.  Guess it will be me one day.

2) Double left hand turn.  Imagine two lanes at a stop light, both are able to turn left.  If you are in the right hand lane expect the guy to your left to get in your lane mid-turn.  Happens all the time to cars, much more I'm sure to bikes.  They just start driftin.  What I do is stay in the inner lane.  In other words, left hand lane in a right hand turn and vice versa.  My pops had a Camaro totaled out because some bitch did this.  I lost out on my t-top inheritance.  Damn.

Bikers:

1) Tip toe at stops. Not safe but over all just not a good look.  For more read my post "If it don't fit, get off that shit".

2) Passenger no helmet when the motorcycle driver (for lack of a better word in this case) IS wearing a helmet.  In Texas if you get in an accident and the passenger is injured and not wearing a helmet you will face charges.

3) Trying to look too much the part.  You have seen them.  All spanking new shit.  A hundred patches.  Take it easy brother, patches that are not earned should be burned.

You let me know what other dumb stuff goes on.  Yes, Virginia..."P" is for Pendeja!

"P" is for Pendeja - (part 1)

Dumb stuff people have asked me while riding:

1) Summer time at a Pizza Hut.  I have a summer riding mesh jacket with shoulder and elbow pads on the seat next to me.  Waitress asks:

"Why do motorcyclists wear jackets and gloves year round?  Is it cold riding?"  I'm thinking, bitch its 105 degrees outside.  Do you think it's cold?

2) I am sitting on my bike filling up at a gas station (and don't say its not safe I have heard that and I don't care).  Someone in our group asks:

"Are you going to stay on your bike while you gas it up?"  Dude, are you kidding me.  Can you not see that I am on my bike and filling it up.  No, I'm going to sit on my bike while you fill it up.

3) I walk in to a family get together - Texas summer heat.  I'm wearing basket ball shorts and tennis shoes.  Family member says:

"Did you ride your bike?"  Mother FUCKER!  Do you know what kind of bike I ride?  Do you think I would ride in shorts and tennis shoes so I can catch rocks all in my ankles, slip on oil when I put my foot down at stops and look like a total d-bag?  Have you not seen me with all my gloves and shit.  Have you ever, in your life, seen me get off my bike wearing bball shorts?

Yes my friends.  P is for Pendeja...

Choppers, Vegas and Lyndyrd Skynyrd

Ready for a cool story?  Check this shit out.  It was all about being at the right place at the right time and knowing what you have in front of you when other people don't.

About a year ago I was doing some shit in Vegas and was staying at the Hard Rock.  This place is bad ass.  Chicks, gambling, rock.  They even have a motorcycle ridden by Motley Cru that was once property of a big MC.  Shit, they even got a Johnny Cash outfit there.  Don't tell me that ain't the shit.  THEY HAVE A STEVIE RAY VAUGHN GUITAR THERE.  It's got to be a bit like mecca.

Anyway I get back to the hotel mid-day and they are setting up all this stuff for a biker build off.  Okay now I'm interested.  It turns out to be a Discovery Channel Biker Build Off with ass munky, jessy jaims and the pull senior and pull junior.  It was okay.  If you are interested here's a pic but this was a side show.  Who do you think was playing the intermission (read commercial breaks as this was a live televised show).  Lynyrd Skynyrd you dumb ass, didn't you read the name of the post?!

Right before the television show ended they said, "stick around and for Lynyrd Skynyrd who are going to play a show right after the Build Off.

Now here's where I lucked out and other people there were so damn stupid, shallow and just overall numb nuts.  This just goes to show how shallow some people are now that watch these biker shows.  They are all hooping and hollering about these ass monkeys on stage and what happens when the taping ends?  People start leaving.  I said People Start Leaving.  WTF is wrong with you people?  This was general admission so you could sit wherever you want.

Were these real biker fans or just a bunch of posers.  That's not a question.  You know they were a bunch of (fill in your expletive).

Skynard invited everyone to come on down to the stage and played a full hour and a half of all their best.  Rocked the shit out of the house for an intimate group of no more than 250 fans.  Man they played like they were in a packed stadium and they knew who their real audience was.  I was stoked.   Everyone was kick ass.  They are such a class act they went all out.  Here's how close I got and didn't have to pay a dime.  This was a gift from one of the world's best to their loyal fans.

I woke up the next morning an just couldn't get the smile off my face.  Later that day I loaded all those Skynard songs onto my device, the live versions when I could, and went for a cruise.  Sweet Home Alabama never sounded so good.

A Day Without A Ride

Unfortunately I am stuck out of town and can't ride today.  It sucks.  BAD.  So I pass my time on the road looking at bikes on the highway.  I look at how they shine in the sun.  I watch how their riders lean or don't into turns.  I study the mechanics of their tires on the road.  I see hot chicks on the back and not so hot chicks on the back.  Lady riders and sports.  Jackets of all sorts.  Patches.  Denim.

Man, if I had my bike right now I would be hauling some ass with the wind in my face probably jamming out to Iron Maiden or maybe Thin Lizzy.  Could be some James Gang or vintage Rush.  Meeting up with Crazy Steve or Wild Bill.  Just out there trying to find an open road just on the outskirts of town.  Moving 1200CC of pure poetry throughout the hill country or go down by the Alamo real slow like.  Through King William and out toward Floresville.

Now I know how ZZ Topp felt when they said, "When I get back my old blue jeans...Lord how happy could one man be."  When I get back on my bike it's gonna be like breathing again.  You lucky bastards...go and do likewise my friends.

Alternative Pre Ride Checklist

Sure, tires, lights and all that.  Now, here is the alternative check list:

Take a leak and whatever else you need to do.  Nothing worse than taking off and having that on your mind the whole time.  Especially if you're this guy:

Blow your nose.  Once you get rolling you are not going to want to try shooting a snot rocket going 80.  Guess where that snot rocket is going to go once it leaves your face hole.  Right back atcha!

Gas card / cash.  I once ran out of gas at the pump and had to have the little lady come by with the card.  Not cool.

Make sure that the phone, ipod or whatever is charged up.  I always ride with music.  People have different opinions on this but whatever.  You do what you want to do.   I have a phone charger that runs from under the seat to my tool pouch (whoah!) so if I'm on a long ride it's no big deal.  I bought it off the internet with a 6ft chord for about $20.  You might not think you need a 6ft chord but its better to have too much than not enough.  That's life in general!

Sun glasses - check.  Rolled up long sleeve if I'm wearing a t-shirt - check.  Clean off the glasses, goggles and / or visor - check.  Fuel level - check.

Last but certainly not least I have a ritual when I leave my home.  ALWAYS hug and kiss the wife and kids.  If you can't do this because there is strife in the house you likely won't be riding clear headed.  Plus it's dangerous on the road - 'nuff said.

Hit the road knowing all is well and all will be well on the road.  Now go and rev the piss out of your engine, hit some twisties and ride like a pro, not a ho.

Theory Vs.Reality

Kid says to his dad, "What the difference between theory and reality?  Dad says "Ask your sister what she would do for $200."  Sis says, "I'd get down and dirty."  Dad says, now go ask your mom what she'd do for $500."  Mom says, "I'd get down and dirty."  Dad says, "Now you see son in theory we have $700 worth of p*ssy in this house but in reality we just have a couple cheap whores."

Once you get out on the road it's a whole different ball game.  That's when reality sets in.  Here are a few tips and tricks I picked up along the way, many of you might have heard these before but damn it always bears repeating:

Eye cover
Cruising with sunglasses through the park - cool.  Dry eyes on the highway - not.  Of course we are notorious for sacrificing comfort for the cool factor but when it starts to effect your driving ability it's much cooler to ride your bike like a pro than a ho.  It's worth spending money on a good pair of glasses with padding on the inside, or goggles.  If you have a helmet with a visor it's a good eye-dea (shit) to have sunglasses with you anyway in case you are riding into the sun.

Two up riding
Start the bike before she get on.  Have her give you a signal that she is ready to get on and you have a signal back that you are ready for her.  My ol lady taps me on the left shoulder cuz that's the side she gets on and I nod my head if I'm ready for her.  Tell her NOT to lean into turns.  Instead she is to look over the shoulder you are turning through.  This is just enough but not too much.

Elbows bent:
When I first started riding I had my elbows basically locked.  Bend your elbows for better control of your bike.  Sounds counterintuitive but so is counter steering so get used to it. 

Trucks / SUVs
Try not to ride behind them but if you do, try to do these two things. 1) Stay far enough behind so that on-coming traffic can see you.  If you are too close to the back of the truck he may slam on his brakes because the guy in front of him just hit someone, a deer jumped out in front of him or some other thing.  You won't see that because you were too close to the back of the guy.  The other thing that could happen is that oncoming traffic wants to make a left (classic case) and they don't see you following the truck.  Next thing you know - you have to catch an assault case for beating some cager's ass. 2) In keeping with this first point I try to stay in the left side of the lane for better visibility.  If you are too far to the right, again oncoming traffic won't see you and you won't see them.

Sun cover
If it's a t-shirt day I roll up an extra long sleeve shirt and tuck it in the tool pouch.  Days when I thought I wouldn't need it are the days when I needed it the most.  It's nice to get the sun off your skin on those days when you ain't got shit to do but ride all through the city, cruise the Mission Trail, head on up to Boerne and just be a wanderer.

Now go be a bad ass today...

Bike Farts: Laugh Now...Cry Later

You know you've done it!  Went to Taco Garage or the 410 Diner and 30 minutes into your next ride you got bubble guts.  Here's why it happens and what to doo about it (hehe).

First of all when you ride it's physically taxing more than driving a car as we all know so you are spending energy to keep your arms, hands, feet, head, torso and legs all working in conjunction with the bike.  You go on a long ride and a very enjoyable part of it is pulling off at a cool spot like out in Bandera and getting in on some of the local BBQ joints or MX food spots with your buddies.  You need a rest and to refill your energy bucket so your go for the beef enchiladas.  Or maybe it's the grease burger.  Hell you might even end up with the chili.  Good riding stuffs.  But don't forget that you often laugh now just to cry later.

So you take off on down the road after an nice filler up.  The engine is a-rumbling.  The pipes are a-blastin.  The ol'lady is behind you hanging on and she don't even care that you're a little wider in the waste than when you started the ride cuz that lunch was goo-uuud!  But then, subtly the guts start bubblin. 

Now you have a number of options here and I'll discuss them all.

The hold it in method:
Try to push your weight down on your bike with your butt cheeks tucked together.  Your weight will keep your ass shut.  It's real so don't act like this is something new.  The drawback is that it can get a little uncomfortable.

The squeeze it out method:
Try to tilt your pelvis forward so your mud chute gets just enough room out in front of the sack to let it squeeze out slowly.  Pretty good method but you risk the time factor.  You may think you got it all out just to hit a speed bump and start the process all over again.

The blow it out your ass method:
Raise up off the pegs and let er rip!  If you have an ol lady on the back this is not recommended.  However if you've been together long enough it will come as no surprise.  You can do this standing at a red light which is what I suggest instead of standing on the pegs.  It's safer but she will of course get the lingering effect.  If she has a full face helmet on this may be the best way.

Now, if you try to just go ahead and let loose as you would on your couch at home I don't recommend it.  The reason is that the dynamics of your jeans at that angle sitting on a leather seat will force you to push harder than you would if you were relaxing at home.  This can lead to dangerous consequences.  In my circle we call it "becoming a real man".  Don't become a real man on your bike, shit filled boots is not a good look.

F'd Up Riding Instructor

A funny memory.  When I took my safety class one of the instructor's names was Popeye.  I noticed he walked with a little swagger which I thought was all a part of his bikerness.  To be fair, the guy was as genuine as can be.  No act there, just a real cool dude.

Popeye is in his 60s and as the class went on he started to share his road stories.  He had lost his thumb crashing into the side of a mountain.  One of his feet was amputated from diabetes.  He lost sight in one eye - either a rock or something had hit him in the face.  I know he was missing a few chompers but that was just "one of those things".  He had his other hand in a brace.  Apparently he left the parking lot of the riding school three weeks before with his kickstand down and wiped out.  Yup, this was our instructor.

Our class was just 3 guys because I took it the week of Thanksgiving.  Perfect timing.  3 students, 2 instructors.  Man it was the best.  One of the guys had been riding for 7 years and never got his license.  He was a mid 20s speed bike guy.  Told me that he was glad he took the class because he learned a few things like to keep the bike in 1st at stops.  The other guy was a bar owner who was given a bike by his daughter.  They had to stop the class once and told him they were going to kick him out if he didn't look through the damn turns.  I got the name "Slacker" in class because I kept trying to start the dang thing in first.

Our other instructor, Robert I remember most for the following bit of advice.  "I'm gonna tell you one thing about 18-wheelers - stay the fuck away from em!"  Always rode with a lit cigar through the training course.  Tall mofo and still wore boots with about 2 inches of sole, no shit.

Anyway, Popeye would tell me, "Slacker, look up so you can see all that p*ssy on the sidewalks.  They will be looking at you when you roll by."  Since it was just the 3 guys there were off color jokes a plenty.

At the end he gave us all a business card and invited us to check out one of his club's many functions throughout the year.  Having a card actually isn't a bad idea.  You tend to meet a lot of cool folks out in the streets, cycle shops, fundraisers.  The back of his card said, "Popeye - keeping one eye on the road."  Hell, if you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at? I think my card will say, "Slacker - still looking up after all these years".

Eyes Up - It's a Lot Like Life Innit?

Okay so anyone who has ridden knows that you are to look where you are going.  You will eventually hear someone say, "so if you look down, where do you think your bike is going to go?".  So what is behind this?  I have a hypothesis.

First of all many folks start driving cars before they learn to ride a motorcycle.  When driving a car people tend to look out a maximum of 20 ft in front of their bumper.  Beginning riders often carry this with them on their first few bike rides.  That is a big bad problem that must be corrected quickly.

You know that to take many of your turns if you go too slowly you will have a low-side and if you go too quickly you risk a high-side or wipe out.  Typically your bike has to go faster than you think you need to go to have the force to stick to the street through the turn. 

Here's my take:  if you are focused on the street below your brain will process the passing dash marks, lines, street etc. and determine that you are going faster than you actually are.  If you are looking out at the horizon your brain has a much wider field of vision, takes in more information and thus enables you to make a more correct judgment of the speed required.  This of course is only one of the benefits of keeping those eyes up.

To see this in action, get on a ferris wheel.  Look at the car below you and you will seem to be going faster than if you look at the car ahead or above you.  Take in more information, make a better decision.  Sounds a lot like life doesn't it.

Living the Dream

When I was a kid I dreamed of riding a steel horse.  I guess I was about 10.  Even got my folks to buy an orange a black huffy bicycle with a what I know realize was an attempt at a café racer seat.  I never could understand why that thing was so square and long but man I wish I had that bike for my kids now.  It even had a faux plastic gas tank and racing number.  My favorite t-shirt had a gorilla riding a motorcycle.  Come to think of it, I recall drawing pictures (not very accurate ones) of motorcycles and had a couple of those toys that you pull back on and watch them go.

In 6th grade there was dirt bike Barret.  Dirt bike buddy once wrecked the thing and said, "just tell my dad you did it.  He won't get mad at you but he'll kill me".  Fair enough, took one for the team and sure enough the dad was cool.

Then there was mini-bike Mike.  Sometimes known as Mikey-tyow for forgotten reasons.  Probably had something to do with partying.  This was high school, riding that little bike (2-up mind you- not cool but who cared) with a back pack, a couple quarts and whatever else.  Head out to the woods, rag that bike out and generally be little bad asses.  At least we thought so.

Got older and started saving a few bucks here and there.  Finally had enough for my own dirt bike.  Searched through craigslist.  Days turned to weeks and weeks to months.  Finally, low and behold - a real motorcycle.  He had the money, he had the connection and the bike was there for the taking.  A childhood dream had come true. 

I still remember Pat, the 71 year old mechanic I bought that bike from.  What a cool old guy.  Said he was giving it up due to bad knees but that he and the ol lady had gone on many rides over the years and might be getting a trike. 

I guess there actually is a point to this rambling trip through memory lane.  For many motorcyclists, it's a life long passion.  Its about friendships, experiences, nostalgia.  What you see on the road is just a small part of that timeline.  And people wonder why we are fanatics.  I hope you have a chance to ride today and if you do, thank God you were granted at least one dream come true.  You did it.  You got yours.

"Have Another Beer and Shut The Fuck Up"

Someone we'll call "Fake Mother Fucker" had plenty of comments when I first started riding. 

Following are a few of them and best responses.  You might find yourself hearing these if you are a starting rider.  Go ahead, steal some of these...

"Hey cheesy rider."

---Speaking of cheese, why don't you go do something useful and make me a sandwich.

"Those things are dangerous."

---That's life.  By the way, did your daughter tell you about the riding jacket I bought her?  I used the money I was going to spend on motorcycle safety classes.

"I hope you're not thinking about taking (somebody's name) out on that thing."

---Na.  I'm gonna wait til the weekend.  Big storm in the forecast...it's much more exciting that way."

"You're gonna die!"

---Better that way than a heart attack brought on by all that crap you keep shoving in your pie hole.  Have another beer and shut the fuck up.

Funny bit of info:  One of the fools that made a bunch of these comments went out and bought the same model bike as mine 6 months later.  However, his had no brake light, or front / back turn signals.  Ah...cycle envy at it's finest.

If It Don't Fit...Get Off That Shit

You ride what you want when you want but I'm going to have to piss off a few people here.  Why on earth would you buy a bike that you know is too big or too small for you?  It can be unwise, uncomfortable and most of all unsafe.  Let's take these one at a time:

Bike too small -
A buddy of mine called from a gun show asking my opinion of a bike he took a picture of and sent to me.  Cool bike.  3-D flame job, hand stitched leather seat - real cool looking Sportster chopper.  I told him not to get it. Why?  He's over 6 ft 270 pounds.  Of course he bought it.  First ride we took from Leon Valley to Bandera and his ass was killing him.  To tell you the truth I felt more sorry for the poor bike than for his non-listening ass.  Even worse - he took out a loan to buy the bike.  Two months later he bought an Ultra Glide.  Two bikes, two loans.  I guess he's happier now.

Bike too big -
This one is more common.  I think it's because some guys feel they need some big sofa of a bike to fit in with imaginary bikers they don't know, will never meet and quite frankly wouldn't want to hang with them anyway.  I'm talking about the Tippy Toe Crew.  You've seen them at stops.  They are so on their tip toes that I'm sure at the end of the day the inside of their legs are chapped more than a long work day in certain seedy industries.  Look guys, if your bike is too big...its too big.  If you need proof of how dangerous it is, just take a look at this on youtube:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQcPYvc_-Wo.

Sometimes these guys have only one leg down and the other on the peg.  They hang half their ass off as not to look like a Tip Toe kid but you know they aren't fooling anyone.  Bike all leaned over and such.  C'mon man!

My girl and I always laugh when we see these guys.  She says, "tippy toes! tippy toes!" and I just shake my head.

There are a few things you can do to fix this other than adjusting the actual height of your bike (which can throw off your cornering and dynamics but still an option for some).

Get a lower profile seat.  Get bigger soled boots.  Buy a new bike.

Man, ride a bike that fits.  Heels down son!

It's On You Buddy

Not to sound like an a-hole but c'mon San Antonio riders.  We have had way too many deaths this summer.  I keep up on these stories every week because I am a guy who puts myself in that circumstance and think of how it could have been avoided.  Replaying this scenario in my head will prepare me for when (not if) that situation presents itself when I am out on the road.

So there are some no brainers:  1) Don't drive drunk or high.  Hey, what you do in your time off your bike is your issue.  I'm the very last one to point a finger here, trust me.  But if you do it on the road it becomes everyone's problem.  2) Take full responsibility for whatever happens on your bike.

That last one is a hard one for some people to accept but thinking like this will save your ass.  In other words, you wipe out pulling in to Taco Cabana because there was a patch of oil where you were turning in.  It's your fault.  You should have been scanning that patch of road and looking through the turn not at the damn curb you almost hit so had to lay down your bike.

Left hander turns out in front of you.  Your fault buddy.  Should have anticipated the bone head either sped up or slowed down, flashed your headlight or been in a different lane.

If you have ever had a spill the first word out of your mouth should be "I".  "I wasn't looking"..."I didn't look through the turn"..."I wasn't anticipating the dumb ass".  Keep thinking like this and you will keep the rubber on the road.